Kill Grandma

Will Bond

Kill Grandma

“Are we bad people?”

Julie was thrown off by this question from her brother. “No, this doesn’t make us bad,” she responded. “We’re just speeding up a process that nature would have taken care of anyway.” She had a tone of uncertainty in her voice.

Ben felt uneasy. “But she isn’t dying of anything-”

“Old age.”

“People don’t die of old age in their 70s,” Ben claimed, “…Do they?”

Julie stopped to think. “Um, I think they probably do,” she replied, still unsure. “Look,” she said, with slightly more confidence, “the pros far outweigh the cons here. It’s practically a win-win situation.”

Ben’s tone turned sour. “I’m sorry,” he snapped, “how exactly is it a win for Grandma? I wouldn’t consider getting murdered a win, Julie.”

“Murder is such a strong word,” Julie retorted. “Let’s say we’re putting her out of her misery.”

“Is she in misery, though?” Ben replied. “She’s a sweet old lady, and clearly she loves us a whole lot to leave us so much money in her will.”

“But that’s exactly why this is a great idea!” Julie exclaimed. “She wants to give us that money. That’s why it’s in her will in the first place.” Ben looked unconvinced. “She’ll be happy up in Heaven knowing that we got the money. We’ll use it to pay college tuition, she’ll love that.”

Ben sighed. He knew how much they both needed the money, and it seemed like this was the only way to get it. “Ok, fine. But how do we go about doing this? Because I’m not going to stab Grandma.”

“Of course we’re not going to stab Grandma!” Julie exclaimed, disgusted. “That’s insane! We’re not going to ‘murder’ her, we’re going to ensure that she passes away peacefully in her sleep.”

“And how do we do that?” Ben asked. “We can’t just make her die by sheer willpower, we have to do something.”

Julie replied, “I know, I’ve already thought of that. We’ll just slip her a few too many sleeping pills. That should knock her out into a nice, peaceful sleep and she just won’t ever wake up.”

The reality of the situation began setting on Ben. “Dude…” he said under his breath, “this is seriously messed up.”

“Come on, Ben,” Julie implored, “Grandma’s 74. What does she have to look forward to? Being 80?” She was clearly losing Ben now, so she tried to reassure him. “I know it’s a difficult situation, but it’s too perfect not to pass up. We both know mom and dad are kicking us out as soon as we graduate. We need the money so we can afford college, and we need this house or else we’ll be homeless.” Ben looked up at his sister, clearly distressed. Julie continued, “It’s messed up, sure, but it’s for the best.”

Ben thought for a moment before speaking up. “Look, I’m on board,” he said quietly, “but I’m not going to be the one to do it. That’s up to you.”

Julie nodded in understanding. “As long as you don’t say anything and back me up, okay?” she said. “Promise me.” Julie reached her hand out to her brother. Ben slowly reached out to her as well. They shook hands and sealed the pact.

“Great!” Julie said with a smile. “Now let’s make some money.”

Julie grabbed a knife from the silverware drawer in her grandmother’s kitchen. She then grabbed turkey, lettuce, and cheese from the fridge and layered them on a slice of wheat bread. Her brother approached her from behind and tapped her shoulder, startling her. “Hey,” he whispered, “I got the pills from the medicine cabinet.”

The sister took the pills and dumped them onto the counter. She saved two and began crushing the rest with the handle of the knife until they were a gritty powder. She then mixed the powder in with mayonnaise and spread it on the second slice of bread. “This should do it, right? There’s like 10 Ambien in the sandwich, and there’s the two she normally takes.”

Ben shrugged. “Sorry, I’m not aware of the exact amount of Ambien to takes to kill someone.” Julie rolled her eyes. “Alright, let’s just do this.”

Julie picked up the plate with the sandwich, and Ben grabbed the two pills and a glass of water. The two of them nervously walked to their grandmother’s bedroom and knocked on the door. They heard a cheerful “Come in!” and entered the room.

“Hi Grandma,” Julie said, trying her best to sound cheerful. “We brought you your pills and a little snack.”

“How lovely!” exclaimed Grandma. “That looks delicious!”

Julie forced a smile as she brought over the sandwich and placed it on the bedside table. Ben, staring at the ground, handed the water and pills to Julie, who in turn handed them to her grandmother. Grandma took her pills as usual, and then smiled at her grandchildren. “Thank you for all your help today, kids. It was so sweet of you to come visit your old grandmother.”

“Happy to help, Grandma,” Julie replied, still holding her smile. Ben just nodded and stared at the ground. Julie continued, “Well, we should be going now. Goodnight, Grandma!”

“Goodnight you two!” the grandmother responded. “Love you both!”

The two grandchildren just nodded and said, “Yeah, you too,” then turned and left.  Ben kept his head hung in shame on the walk back to the car. Julie tried to reassure him. “Listen,” she stated, “Grandma’s going to a better place. And now we have a solid future ahead of us.”

Ben sighed. “I know,” he muttered. “I just feel like this makes us bad people.”

Julie shrugged. “Maybe it does,” she said, “but we’re two bad people with a ton of money and our own house.”

“And a college education,” added Ben.

“Yeah, that too.”

They arrived at the car and got in. Julie started the engine and said aloud, “Goodnight, Grandma.” Then they drove home without saying a word.

“I don’t know if I’m ready to see her dead body.”

Ben and Julie stood outside their Grandma’s front door. Julie scoffed, “Fine, you don’t have to go inside. I’ll just go in and check her pulse, then I’ll call 911.”

Ben looked anxious. “Can I just wait in the car?” Julie glared at him and knocked on the door. She paused and waited for an answer. Nothing. She knocked again, this time more forcefully. “Can’t we just walk in?” Ben asked. Julie shook her head. “Give it time,” she said.

Suddenly, to both of their surprise, the door swung open. The two of them jumped back in shock at the sight of their grandmother, holding her will and an empty pill bottle.

Cinderella Gets Dark

Most Americans are familiar with the Walt Disney movie Cinderella. What most people don’t know is that “Cinderella stories” have been present in many different cultures through out all points in history. Two examples of old Cinderella stories are the ancient Chinese tale “Ye Xian” and the more recent Brothers Grimm’s “Aschenputtel”.  Cinderella stories follow the same basic narrative structure; a beautiful, kind girl is forced to be a servant to her evil stepmother, but with the aid of some magical entity is able to go to a big party. A royal figure falls in love with her but only has one of her shoes to remember her by. The king seeks the girl out and when she is found, she tries on the shoe and it fits, and the two fall in love and live happily ever after. Unlike the Disney version, however, not all Cinderella stories are happy, child-friendly fairy tales.

The German and Chinese Cinderella stories are similar in the fact that they both follow the same narrative structure, but the details do drastically separate them from one another. One detail is the presence of the father. The father always begins as a wealthy man who gives the Cinderella character everything she wants. In the Chinese folktale, the father dies, but in the German tale, he is present but for some reason tolerates the stepmother’s and her daughters’ cruel treatment of the girl. In both stories the Cinderella character is reduced to servitude and is abused by her stepmother and stepsisters. Her only aid comes from magic sent from beyond the grave from her birth mother, who loved her very much. In the German story, a magical wish-granting tree grows from her mother’s grave, and a white bird delivers her wishes to her. In the Chinese story, the mother sends her a guardian spirit that takes the form of a large, golden fish that befriends her and resides in the lake beside her home. Unfortunately, her stepmother kills and eats the fish, but the girl buries the fish bones and they grant her wishes. Both Cinderella characters wish to be able to go to a festival looking beautiful, and both of their wishes are granted when they find themselves suddenly in a beautiful dress and wearing gold slippers. The Chinese story describes the girl going to a New Year’s festival and losing a slipper. The king finds the slipper and decides he will marry whomever it belongs to. In the German tale, the festival lasts three days. The prince falls in love with the girl but she must leave before midnight each time. On the third night, the prince smears tar on the stairway so she cannot run away, but she leaves despite losing one slipper in the tar. In both stories, the royal man seeks out the girl and discovers that the shoe fits, and they get married.

Where the Wild Things Are (and Why It's All About Sex)

“Where the Wild Things Are” is a story well recognized by many young people in this generation. On the surface, it is a story about a young boy named Max who runs away from his mother to an island of “Wild Things,” where he romps and plays until he is tired and wants to go home; however, there is much more to say about the story. The children’s book, and especially the film, when examined from a psychoanalytical perspective have some very prevalent themes of Freudian’s theories of sexuality.

The book begins with Max getting into a fight with his mother, and as a punishment he is sent to bed without any supper. He then enters what we understand to be a dream sequence, which begins by him discovering a secret ocean, and then getting into a boat to cross it. According to Freud’s analysis of dreams, the boat represents the female genitalia, and the ocean represents the birth canal; by traveling across an ocean in the boat Max is being reborn into a new life. When he gets to the island of the wild things they are aggressive towards him at first, but he tames them and becomes their king. They romp and play until Max is ready to go home, and he sends them all off to bed with no supper. Freud theorized that parents in dreams are often seen as royalty, so by Max being crowned king of the wild things he is taking the place of his mother. The wild things represent his sexual desires, so he is able to get the desires and satisfactions he wants from his mother. This theory is backed up by him sending them off to dinner without supper. When he returns home, he finds that his mother left supper for him, symbolizing that he now feels the satisfaction he wanted from her.

The film demonstrates even more Freudian ideas. In the film, the mother has a boyfriend that Max does not approve of. This plays toward Freud’s theory of an Oedipus Complex; affection for the mother and jealousy towards the father. The full argument with his mother is shown in the film, and then is mirrored in a later argument with one of the wild things, where Max takes the place of his mother and the wild thing repeats the dialog Max screamed at his mother at the beginning of the film. This heavily supports the theory that in the dream Max switches roles with his mother to show his need for his mother to satisfy his desires.